Squaring The Circle

Sometimes I feel enslaved to a persona

Sometimes I feel trapped in cycles and circles

I’m back where I escaped from

I left this man...

Now he has a new face...

A new name...

A different persona...

Oh, but I am not fooled

I know he is the same man!

He needs me to take care of him 

He can’t completely be a man at this point in time...

He promises,” baby girl, I’ll sort everything out

At another time...

In a future place...

In a distant space”

 I m tired of living off of promises

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride

If I had a penny for every man who promised me love, life and everything else

“I want to make you my wife”

“I love your girls!”

...They’re just words!!!

A tree is known by the fruits it bears

This cycle of taking care of others instead of my own

This habit of loving man over children

Exposing children to lovers and all the shit that comes with them

This sabotage of showing my independence – which makes a man relax

Then start asking for it, using it, depleting it

Here I am, broke again,

Spent more than I earn again

Not by me!

Not my kids!

But by a man!

... a goddamn man!

Seemingly never-ending cycle

Round and round in circles

I am tired

And even tired of being tired!

I step outta the circle

Bend it into a square

Escape thru the curves which slip, slide and spiral

Into the measurable, finite, defined, redefined

My break thru

My freedom

I’ve recognized shadows in the night-time...

I’ve shed my tears... in sorrow, confusion

I’ve bit my nails, ground my teeth

I’ve cussed it and I’ve cursed it

Done better for the children...

I leave it behind, squared now ... no longer bending forward to face me

One thing finite and sure, well-known and true - this, too, shall pass

My pain leads to freedom

This too shall pass

Written : 2011-12-12