My Love or My Fear

“What is happening?” is a question u often ask

“I don’t know” is often my reply

Mad mad chemistry, I can’t deny

Attraction, magnetic and wild

Yet something inside me cannot let it slide

Something inside me tells me to take my time

Time is what it takes ...

more so if this isn’t right in Jah sight

Is it the love or is it the fear of mine

A beautiful vision or deception of d eye?

I love you even if your God is not mine

I love you even if u complicate my mind

It fails to understand;

My heart is the guide

- My heart and only a part of my mind

I no longer know peace in this time

No peace in this place, no peace of being or mind

The peace which I cherish, peace naturally mine

In parenting, in loving, in growing ... no longer mine

I been waitin’ for the fallin’ of the dime

Waiting for that moment he will let me down

Waiting for him to hurt me and crucify my love on an altar of manly pride

I’m waitin’ for him to forget me in a foreign town

I fear he is young, and a follower, not a leader to his wife

I think he my king, then think he’s not my kind

He is too wild to live my kinda love, life

He’s too blind, I can much wiser find

And that is why I can’t have his child

Not while in this turmoil can I carry a life

I have been pushed in the deep end by this love

The darkness of the mystery is my only light

I love him, I dunno why

It hurts me I wanna cry

I regret so much, I fear it’s all a lie

Probably our differences will kill what hasn’t died

Only the truth can open our eyes

I’m trembling, worrying - what’s ahead for you and I?

But in the meantime,

Jah give me the insight

.. to live, love, at peace in these times

If it is love, let it be mine

Let me drink and get drunk off this wine

But if it be lie

I thank God for the opportunity 

to share love and life so deeply

So intimately, genuinely, and blissfully

I thank Goddess for the love, bliss, laughter, smiles

The fathering, husbanding, advising, music, differently thinkin

Deep down inside

He is royal and divine

I just wish he knew this as I

Knew the God tree - for he is the vine!

But often these insights escape his mind

He forgets his place in space-time

Forgets the space he fills in our lives

The life of a young gunner in love with a young mother

1 or both of us must change for this to union to strive 

... for the other

Written : 2011-12-12