Magnetic Attraction

It has been a minute before a man caused this kinda reaction

Chemical that is .. butterflies, magnetic attraction

Open ur mouth to speak, ur being is the ultimate distraction

So the words pass me by, but somehow, lovin’ the conversation

This Magnetic attraction, it’s a scary situation

All i’m doin is reactin, actin out in my imagination

Mind canvas is a slave, ur face is the master

Painted, imprinted, like stone - seems like forever

This Magnetic attraction, was not my selection

Ur spirit, ur be-ing – now a source of confusion

Magnetic polarities, the yin and the yang

Lord, transcend me to oneness that i may free from this man!

From a far off distance, came my admiration

Now the spaces between are in slow recession

Now u’re near me, I feel I could run, outside of ur perception

Never thought this desire would reach manifestation

I’m hoping you remain in my wild imagination

Just pass me by, for my own sake

For fall – i will fall, for this temptations’ too great

So endearing to me is this masculine creation

So worthy and divine to me this masculine creation

Daddyyy

He is a gift unto the youths

He has given them the experience / in-sperience of deeper Love they been missing

He gives them sweet honey the queen bee doesn’t have means to give

The father they dreamed of

He is a good person, good man

He is theirs

For Him or for Me?

Am I trying to punish him?

Maybe after all is said, and done

I just wanted him to feel the pain of betrayal

I wanted him to know how it feels to have your great achievement come crashing down

... Because your Lover is not strong enough ... doesn’t love you enough!

Ohhhhh, the pain!!

You know how it feels to hurt in a place you cannot touch?!

Cannot soothe?!

Then , have to forgive - you must forgive! 

... the way I forgave!!

 

And, what if you don’t?

You'll fall into the pain of holding too much inside

Then rise to the pleasure of projecting it out..

You must feel it ... all!!!

You must hurt and cry and cry ... cry again!

What if the plan backfires, then who have I hurt?

I don’t mind hurting him - I WANT to hurt him!

Subtly it’s clear, though, I’m also hurting me

Hurting the unborn baby growing wombside

Moreso hurting even the innocent girl I was, 

the little girl who continues to live inside ...

 I stopped being the best woman I could be 

the day you stopped doing the best for me

The day you stopped being the best man you could be 

Written : 2012-02-14 

"Can't let you get the best of me!"

 

"I de mek him suffah!!"

 Yet, the Goddess whispers to me, to breathe, let it go

Give my best for the sake of Love

For the sake of Family

For the sake of Me

For the sake of Inner Peace

My desire to punish him continues to linger - just not at the expense of our unborn baby

Woman get u some, let it out!!! Lest the pain, anger fester n spoil you inside!

My Love Growing Inside Me

I have my Love growing inside me

My womb is a powerhouse, a creation plant

I am so content with you, Love

Satisfied that you have chosen me

So long ago... so long before I even met him

Long before I felt prepared...

I told you, the Universe I was ready

It was my strength's edeavour to squash my fear

Maybe I am not ready

And neither is he

We are not happy in this relating

I don’t want you to be a part of it

A part of the fights, and arguments over nothing

Name calling ... finger pointing ...
emoting and not lovin...

I want you to feel the Love of a father

I want you to learn from a man to be a man

I know you chose him, but he mightn’t be around?
I want only the best!

Baby, as a man, u must understand,

I need to feel like a woman

I need to feel loved and protected...

Be provided for

And, as a person, you must understand, I need to feel love unconditionally

Loved for me, Loved as I am

You do not need to work to receive Love

You don’t need to change yourself or your partner for Love

For Love just is

For Love is our very essence, the air we breathe

And where you cannot breathe [Love] - there is no life

No breathe, No inspiration

No God, No Goddess

No Love, no Life, no Peace, no Joy

You, my boy, deserve all the above ... and more

My boy, forgive me, I let you come now

It is my fault I opened my womb and made that choice

Baby, please forgive me

We will be reunited when mama sorts her relations out

When mama elevates her energy and what it attracts

When you and your sisters have a house to call home

Community to call family

Love that is steadfast

I am taking a life, so that I may gain one

Hurting my Love so that I may heal mine

... Yet, one question remains, steadfast in my brain

... why can’t I give YOU the Love I so deeply desire?
So naturally deserve?

?!?!?

Written : 2012-02-14

My Love or My Fear

“What is happening?” is a question u often ask

“I don’t know” is often my reply

Mad mad chemistry, I can’t deny

Attraction, magnetic and wild

Yet something inside me cannot let it slide

Something inside me tells me to take my time

Time is what it takes ...

more so if this isn’t right in Jah sight

Is it the love or is it the fear of mine

A beautiful vision or deception of d eye?

I love you even if your God is not mine

I love you even if u complicate my mind

It fails to understand;

My heart is the guide

- My heart and only a part of my mind

I no longer know peace in this time

No peace in this place, no peace of being or mind

The peace which I cherish, peace naturally mine

In parenting, in loving, in growing ... no longer mine

I been waitin’ for the fallin’ of the dime

Waiting for that moment he will let me down

Waiting for him to hurt me and crucify my love on an altar of manly pride

I’m waitin’ for him to forget me in a foreign town

I fear he is young, and a follower, not a leader to his wife

I think he my king, then think he’s not my kind

He is too wild to live my kinda love, life

He’s too blind, I can much wiser find

And that is why I can’t have his child

Not while in this turmoil can I carry a life

I have been pushed in the deep end by this love

The darkness of the mystery is my only light

I love him, I dunno why

It hurts me I wanna cry

I regret so much, I fear it’s all a lie

Probably our differences will kill what hasn’t died

Only the truth can open our eyes

I’m trembling, worrying - what’s ahead for you and I?

But in the meantime,

Jah give me the insight

.. to live, love, at peace in these times

If it is love, let it be mine

Let me drink and get drunk off this wine

But if it be lie

I thank God for the opportunity 

to share love and life so deeply

So intimately, genuinely, and blissfully

I thank Goddess for the love, bliss, laughter, smiles

The fathering, husbanding, advising, music, differently thinkin

Deep down inside

He is royal and divine

I just wish he knew this as I

Knew the God tree - for he is the vine!

But often these insights escape his mind

He forgets his place in space-time

Forgets the space he fills in our lives

The life of a young gunner in love with a young mother

1 or both of us must change for this to union to strive 

... for the other

Written : 2011-12-12

Squaring The Circle

Sometimes I feel enslaved to a persona

Sometimes I feel trapped in cycles and circles

I’m back where I escaped from

I left this man...

Now he has a new face...

A new name...

A different persona...

Oh, but I am not fooled

I know he is the same man!

He needs me to take care of him 

He can’t completely be a man at this point in time...

He promises,” baby girl, I’ll sort everything out

At another time...

In a future place...

In a distant space”

 I m tired of living off of promises

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride

If I had a penny for every man who promised me love, life and everything else

“I want to make you my wife”

“I love your girls!”

...They’re just words!!!

A tree is known by the fruits it bears

This cycle of taking care of others instead of my own

This habit of loving man over children

Exposing children to lovers and all the shit that comes with them

This sabotage of showing my independence – which makes a man relax

Then start asking for it, using it, depleting it

Here I am, broke again,

Spent more than I earn again

Not by me!

Not my kids!

But by a man!

... a goddamn man!

Seemingly never-ending cycle

Round and round in circles

I am tired

And even tired of being tired!

I step outta the circle

Bend it into a square

Escape thru the curves which slip, slide and spiral

Into the measurable, finite, defined, redefined

My break thru

My freedom

I’ve recognized shadows in the night-time...

I’ve shed my tears... in sorrow, confusion

I’ve bit my nails, ground my teeth

I’ve cussed it and I’ve cursed it

Done better for the children...

I leave it behind, squared now ... no longer bending forward to face me

One thing finite and sure, well-known and true - this, too, shall pass

My pain leads to freedom

This too shall pass

Written : 2011-12-12